[21] part 4 of 4

[chajatta.livejournal.com]

When Jongin wakes in the morning, after a restless night of tossing and turning, he considers only briefly whether it’s too early to go and see Chanyeol. Instead of tugging the sheets back over his head, like he so longs to do, Jongin draws all on all of the courage he has and drags himself from the warmth of his bed to go and get dressed.

It’s stopped snowing by the time Jongin heads out, bundled up like a snowman, but the snow rests on the ground in sheets of pure, unspoilt white. The subway is unusually quiet and Jongin snags himself a seat in the emptiest carriage he can find. His feet tap a nervous rhythm on the slippery floor and Jongin has to keep taking deep breaths to calm himself.

He’s never been good at confrontation and he’s always hated arguing, but whatever this thing is between him and Chanyeol, whatever Jongin’s done, it needs resolving. Whether it leads to a good outcome or not, Jongin would rather know exactly where he stands than twist himself in knots trying to second guess Chanyeol’s feelings.

Once he gets to Sillim station, Jongin trudges up the stairs to try and bring some warmth to his body. The way to Chanyeol’s building feels much longer now than it had the last time he’d been there, although Jongin is sure most of that is down to the fact he keeps taking wrong turnings and having to go back on himself.

By the time Jongin gets to Chanyeol’s place, his shoes are sodden and he can barely feel his toes. Thankfully, the security guard recognises him from his last visit and Jongin refuses to ponder on what exactly that means as he rides the lift up to Chanyeol’s floor.

Before he knows it, Jongin finds himself standing in front of Chanyeol’s front door and it takes him a moment or two to gather up enough of the bravery that seems to have evaporated on the journey over here to lift up his hand and knock.

The wood is hard beneath his knuckles and Jongin fidgets as he’s left waiting. He’s just about to lift his hand and knock again when there’s the sound of a lock sliding and the door swings open.

Chanyeol’s face falls as soon as their eyes meet and that’s not exactly the reaction Jongin was hoping for.

“Jongin?” Chanyeol’s voice is hoarse. Jongin wonders if he’s the cause. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk,” Jongin says. He licks his lips and doesn’t miss the way Chanyeol’s eyes are drawn to his mouth. “Please let me in, I don’t want to do this on the doorstep.”

Chanyeol turns to head into his flat and Jongin follows him gratefully. He steps out of his soaked shoes and hangs his coat up, and when he emerges into the living room Chanyeol is hovering by the sofa with his hands clasped in front of him.

“Was it something I did?” Jongin starts. He pulls his scarf from around his neck slowly and he clutches it anxiously between his fingers. “Something happened while I was in Japan and I’ve been trying to figure out what I could have done or said ever since. Please, Chanyeol, whatever I’ve done to upset you, please just tell me so we can figure this out. I’ve missed you so much and I hate-“ Jongin clears his throat and looks down. “I hate feeling like I’ve done something to hurt you.”

“It isn’t you.” Chanyeol brings both hands and scrubs them over his face, pressing the heels of his palms down over his eyes. “You haven’t done anything, not really- it’s me, I’m the one that can’t-“

“Chanyeol, please.” Jongin takes a cautious step closer. He itches to take Chanyeol’s hands into his, to touch him. Chanyeol lowers his hands and he looks down at Jongin silently for a long moment before he finally speaks again.

“When you told me you worked in fashion, why didn’t you tell me you were a model? All those times I asked and you brushed it aside, you said it was boring, why didn’t you-“

Jongin almost physically feels the colour drain from his face and his heart rate speeds up, jackrabbiting against his ribcage so hard Jongin is sure he’d be able to see his chest moving with the force of it if he looked down.

“How did you find out?” It doesn’t even sound like his voice and Jongin is just proud that he manages to choke the words out at all.

“I saw you on a billboard,” Chanyeol begins softly. “On the subway, at Myeongil. I was on my way to visit my parents and as soon as I stepped off the train, there it was, this huge picture of you. I didn’t even believe it at first, because how could it be you? How could that be you, lying there in nothing but your underwear and looking like-“ Chanyeol trails off and Jongin is too afraid to hear the end of that sentence, to find out exactly what Chanyeol had thought he’d looked like. “Then I spoke to Baekhyun, and-“

“You spoke to Baekhyun?” Jongin finally lifts his head and he doesn’t bother trying to hide the hurt that laces his voice. “Why didn’t you speak to me? Why didn’t you call me and we could have-“

“I panicked, Jongin,” Chanyeol says. “I’m not proud of it, but I panicked. I must have stood there staring up at it for an hour like some kind of idiot or pervert and I- god, it made me feel totally fucking inadequate compared to you, okay? And I probably should have spoken to you, but I didn’t know what you were going to say and I didn’t know how I’d react, if I heard your voice. But I needed to speak to someone, so I spoke to Baekhyun.”

Jongin lays his scarf over the back of the sofa and he reaches out to take Chanyeol’s hands. They’re warm and clammy but it feels so good to finally touch him again after so long apart. “You felt inadequate? Why?”

Chanyeol scoffs but he doesn’t pull his hands away. “Are you kidding, have you seen you? God, Jongin, I already think you’re just about the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, but then seeing you like that? I don’t think you’d find many people who wouldn’t feel more than a little inferior.” There’s a beat of silence and then Chanyeol speaks again, his voice quieter and more vulnerable than Jongin has ever heard it. “Is that why you didn’t tell me? Are you ashamed of me? Are you worried about what people might think, if they see us together?”

Of all the things he’d expected Chanyeol to say, that certainly wasn’t it, and it takes Jongin a moment to find his voice.

“No, no, Chanyeol, I’m not ashamed of you. I can’t believe you would even think that.”

“Then why?” Chanyeol asks again. “Why didn’t you just tell me? You didn’t think I was going to have a problem with it, did you?”

Jongin pulls his hands away. He turns so he isn’t looking directly at Chanyeol and it’s harder now, than it had been earlier, to keep his breathing level, to stop himself from cracking over the words.

“Most people do.” Jongin sees Chanyeol’s brows furrow from the corner of his eye but he ploughs on. If he doesn’t say this now he fears that he might never have the courage to do so again. “Usually, when people who are close to me find out what I do, it changes the way they look at me, it changes what they think about me. I couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking any less of me, too.”

Jongin feels his eyes sting and he blinks the wetness away furiously.

“My last boyfriend, he- we were together for a long time and I thought- I really thought that he cared about me. But then when he found out about the modelling, it completely changed the way he acted towards me. The way he would speak to me, even the way he looked at me, it wasn’t the same as it had been before.” Jongin takes a deep, gulping breath to try and steady his voice. “He’d tell me that he thought I’d be different. If I was willing to take my clothes off for money, then why did I act like such a prude when I was in bed with him? Why wasn’t I more willing to do anything that he asked me to when I was obviously such a whore?” The shake to his voice is uncontrollable and even now, even after so long, Jongin hates himself for the single tear that escapes and runs down his cheek. He scrubs it away viciously. “He used to joke that I must only spread my legs for men who earned more money than he did and if only he had a better job, what would I be willing to do for him then? So that’s why I didn’t tell you. Not because I’m ashamed of you, but because I couldn’t- I couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking about me like that, as well.”

The touch of Chanyeol’s fingers against his startles Jongin and he’s so lost in memories of what he’d been through that he almost jerks away from it. But Chanyeol’s fingers tangle gently with his and he pulls Jongin’s hand up from where it had been dangling by his side. Jongin turns with it and when he does Chanyeol pulls him in close, presses Jongin’s body into the warmth of his chest. Jongin goes easily, willingly, closing his eyes and burying his face in Chanyeol’s neck.

“It’s not like that. I promise you, Jongin, I swear on my life it isn’t like that. Please don't think for one second that I think about you like that, because I don’t.” Chanyeol’s hand rubs soothing circles down his back and the deep timbre of his voice rumbles comfortably against Jongin’s chest. “I think the world of you, Jongin, and if I have to tell you a hundred times a day to make you believe me then I’ll do it.”

Jongin lifts his head from the crook of Chanyeol’s neck and he’s almost knocked for six by the fierce expression on Chanyeol’s face.

“You’re way too good for an asshole like that and I’m sorry for being selfish, I’m sorry for making you relive that. But you don’t owe me anything, okay? You don’t owe anybody anything.” Chanyeol strokes Jongin’s neck, fingers coming up to the softness of his cheek. “You’re beautiful, Jongin. You are so beautiful, but you’re also kind and funny and a better person than most of the people I know, and you should be treated with the respect you deserve.”

“You said you loved me. Yesterday, before you ran off, you said that you loved me,” Jongin almost whispers. “Do you?”

“I love you,” Chanyeol says, without hesitation. The smile that blossoms across Jongin’s face feels big enough to split his mouth clean in two. “That wasn’t exactly how I planned on telling you,” Chanyeol mumbles. “I’m sorry for running away and leaving you like that. It was cowardly.”

“I guess I could try and find it in my heart to forgive you,” Jongin hums. He digs his teeth into his bottom lip and, like clockwork, Chanyeol’s eyes drop down to follow it. “Kiss me.”

Chanyeol dips his head down and Jongin’s stomach lurches when their mouths touch. Chanyeol’s lips are warm against his, soft and familiar. Jongin presses the length of his body up against Chanyeol’s and he swallows down the resulting groan.

“I love you, too,” Jongin gasps when he pulls away for breath. Chanyeol’s mouth is red and he stares down at Jongin with wide eyes. “I love you so much, I do, I-“

Chanyeol seals their mouths together again, steals the words from the tip of his tongue. Jongin brings his hands up to grip at Chanyeol’s shoulders. He slides his tongue into Chanyeol’s mouth, runs it slowly over his teeth and the ridges on the roof of his mouth, and Jongin savours the taste of him, the taste that he’s missed so much.

“Stay here tonight.” Jongin can feel Chanyeol’s chest heaving against his when he pulls away. He dips his head to press their foreheads together. “Stay here. We don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want to, I just- I don’t want to let you go, not now, not again.”

Jongin can’t think of a single place he’d rather be. When he nods, Chanyeol dips down for another kiss, and Jongin swears he can taste the sweetness of his smile. He takes one hand from Chanyeol’s shoulder, runs it along the collar of his shirt and rests it over the dip of Chanyeol’s neck. His pulse hammers against Jongin’s palm.

Eventually, after an age, Jongin pulls away. His mouth is already swollen and bruised and there’s something coiling in the basest pit of his stomach. Jongin looks up at Chanyeol from beneath his lashes and grins. It was still only late morning but they had an awful lot of catching up to do.







Jongin wakes the next morning to the sound of footsteps padding across hardwood. He blinks, momentarily disoriented, but quickly settles when Chanyeol’s face swims into view.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Chanyeol asks. His voice is rough with sleep and Jongin thinks he could easily get addicted to the sound of it. “Go back to sleep.”

“S’okay. Where are you going?” Jongin asks, trailing off as he stifles a yawn. Chanyeol’s bed is sinfully comfortable and Jongin stretches his body beneath the sheets, groaning happily when his spine cracks.

“Don’t make noises like that,” Chanyeol scolds, but his eyes look a shade darker and Jongin smiles up at him. “I have to go into the university for a few hours.” Chanyeol grabs a jumper that was dangling off the bottom of the bed frame, then goes to fix his hair. “Feel free to stay here, though, if you want. You can help yourself to anything in the fridge, watch whatever you want on television.”

“I don’t even know if I have the energy to get out of bed,” Jongin says. He rolls over onto his side to better be able to see Chanyeol and cushions his head in the palm of his hand.

“You’re more than welcome to stay there, too, if that’s what you want.” Chanyeol glances at Jongin’s reflection in the mirror. “For as long as you like.”

“You might regret saying that to me,” Jongin teases. “You have no idea how difficult I am to get out of bed in the morning.”

Chanyeol finishes messing with his hair and wanders over to the bed. He rests his hands on the bottom of the frame and leans over, grinning at Jongin. “Is that an invitation to learn?”

Jongin pushes the covers back and gets up onto his knees. He’d borrowed a t-shirt from Chanyeol last night and it’s a little too snug around the shoulders and chest, stretching dangerously when he moves. His bottom half, though, is bare, save only for a pair of navy briefs. Jongin sees the way Chanyeol looks at his thighs just before he stops to kneel in front of him, but the weight of his gaze just brings a warm flush to Jongin’s cheeks.

“It could be, if you think you’re up to it.” Chanyeol is leaning low enough over the bed that Jongin barely has to lean up to catch his mouth in a brief kiss. “We’re okay, right?” Jongin’s voice is soft and he looks incredibly earnest as he studies Chanyeol’s face.

“Are you serious?” Chanyeol actually laughs, even looks a little incredulous. Jongin raises both eyebrows in confusion. “Shouldn’t it be me asking you that? Especially after the way I behaved.”

“It’s okay,” Jongin starts, shaking his head, but Chanyeol cuts him off before he can say anything further.

“It’s not okay. I acted like a self-centred dickhead and I’m sorry.” Chanyeol presses a kiss to the crown of Jongin’s head. “But I’ll try and make it up to you, if you’ll let me.”

“Letting me lounge around in your bed and eat all your food while you’re out is a pretty good start.” Jongin pauses and he toys with a loose thread on the bottom of his borrowed t-shirt. “Did you have any plans for New Years’ Eve yet?”

“A bunch of the other grad students invited me out for a few drinks,” Chanyeol shrugs. “Apart from that, I’m free as a bird.”

“Oh, it’s just, well, my company throws a big event every year and attendance isn’t exactly compulsory but my manager will throw a bitch fit if I don’t show my face.” Jongin smiles and tugs at the thread. It snaps beneath his fingers. “I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me? It’d be nice to finally be able to introduce you to my friends. I know they’re dying to meet you, but if you already have plans-“

“I’d love to.” Chanyeol’s grin is broad and white and Jongin, as always, can’t help but be caught up in the wake of his enthusiasm. “I’d better buy a new outfit, huh? We can’t be having me showing you up.”

Chanyeol’s voice is teasing and he laughs when Jongin slaps him away in mock outrage. “It isn’t like that. They’ll be judging you on how well you treat me, not the way you dress or what you look like. They’re very protective of me, you see.”

“Oh, well, in that case, I’d better be on my absolute best behaviour, hadn’t I?” Jongin nods in agreement and tips his head up easily for another kiss. “I really need to get going, but I’m serious, okay? Stay here for as long as you want. I’ll be done around one, what do you say I come back and cook you some lunch? Anything you want. I’ll even swing by Seven Eleven on my way home and get fresh ingredients.”

“I’ll text you later when I decide what I want.” Jongin fixes Chanyeol with his sweetest smile and he knows he’s been foiled when Chanyeol laughs and rolls his eyes.

“Sounds good. I’m running late so I’ll see you later, okay?” Chanyeol darts in to kiss him again and then he disappears from the bedroom. Jongin hears the sound of his footsteps hurrying through the living room and once the front door opens and closes behind him Jongin falls back onto the bed. The nest of blankets still holds some of the lingering warmth from where their bodies had lain, but it doesn’t even begin to compare to the glow of happiness that spreads through Jongin’s entire body.







“I know you said your friends would only judge me on the way I treat you,” Chanyeol says as he adjusts the collar of his shirt in the mirror on the back of Jongin’s bedroom door, “but I’m not sure whether that makes me less nervous or more.”

Jongin casts an appraising eye over Chanyeol’s outfit from where he’s sprawled across the bottom of his bed. He’s dressed mostly in black, just like Jongin himself, and the effect of it makes Chanyeol look even taller and leaner than Jongin already knows him to be. There’s a white, grid pattern across the front of the shirt that Jongin thinks compliments the white piping around his own collar nicely. Chanyeol moves from his shirt and starts fussing with his hair, trying to straighten out a piece that’s fallen down over his eyes. Jongin smiles fondly.

“My friends don’t bite, you know.” Jongin teases, pushing himself up from his elbows into a sitting position. “At least, most of them don’t. But I can handle the ones that do.”

“Very funny.” Chanyeol gives up on his hair with a huff and drops his hands down to his sides. He turns and gives Jongin a baleful look. “How do I look? You know what, it doesn’t matter, I’ll feel like I could throw up at any minute either way.”

“You look great.” Jongin stands. He crosses over to Chanyeol in a few short steps and brushes the front of his shirt down, mostly just for an excuse to feel the warmth of Chanyeol’s chest against his palms. “This sounds cruel, but it’s nice to see someone else freaking out for a change. It’s normally me.”

“You know me, here to help.” The smile Chanyeol offers him is only a little shaky. He glances down at his watch. “It’s nearly nine thirty, shall we get going?”

“Yeah, just-“ Jongin slides a hand around to the back of Chanyeol’s neck and pulls him down. Chanyeol’s mouth falls open easily beneath his and Jongin has to resist the urge to slide his hands up into Chanyeol’s hair, to feel it slide between his fingers. Chanyeol looks stunned when Jongin pulls away. Jongin licks his lips. “Okay, let’s go.”

They get a taxi to Gangnam and Jongin lays a hand over Chanyeol’s thigh, unable to stop his fingers from drifting dangerously high and drawing little circles along the inside. Chanyeol chatters nervously the whole way there and the smile never leaves Jongin’s face, even as they climb out of the taxi when it pulls up outside SooMan Corp and they’re hit by a freezing gust of wind. Most of the snow has melted, but the cold hasn’t abated any and Jongin has to try not to slip in the residual slush as he takes Chanyeol by the wrist and pulls him towards the front entrance.

Every year one of the conference rooms is cleared out and redecorated for the celebrations. Jongin has always liked that, has always been comforted by the fact that if he does have to be out, he’s at least surrounded by people he knows. At least he doesn’t have to spend the evening dodging strangers and, as the night draws on, deflecting the unwanted attentions of drunkards.

They ride the lift up to the fifteenth floor and Chanyeol stares silently up at the numbers as they rise. “You won’t leave me if your friends hate me, right?” He asks when they're two floors away. Jongin waits until they reach their floor before he answers.

“Not right away.” He fixes Chanyeol with a reassuring smile and then takes hold of his hand. The doors open and Jongin laces their fingers together. “You’ll be fine. They’ll love you.”

They’re hit by a wall of sound as soon as the lift doors open. Jongin leads Chanyeol out by the hand and he’s about to tug him off to get a drink when Joonmyun appears almost out of nowhere.

“Jongin! You made it!” He has a glass of champagne in one hand and Jongin notes with some amusement that his pale cheeks are already rosy. “And who’s this?”

His gaze drifts over to Chanyeol, who bows politely.

“This is Chanyeol, my boyfriend.” Something flutters in his stomach when he says that, but Chanyeol squeezes his hand and the weight of his palm against Jongin’s feels reassuring. “Chanyeol, this is my manager, Joonmyun.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Chanyeol says, voice smooth and soft like silk. Jongin has never heard it like that before.

Joonmyun appraises Chanyeol for a moment longer and then his face splits into a broad smile. “Boyfriend, hm?” Joonmyun takes a sip of his champagne and he glances at Jongin over the rim of his glass. Jongin smiles. “Well, I know our Jongin can look after himself, but you’d best take good care of him, Chanyeol.” Joonmyun lifts a hand to stroke a thumb fondly over Jongin’s cheek. “He’s one of life’s special ones.”

Jongin pushes Joonmyun’s hand away with an embarrassed little whine but Chanyeol’s laugh is delighted. “I’m finding out just how special every single day.”

Jongin turns pillar box red, the flush running over his cheeks and all the way up the back of his neck, but Joonmyun just nods his head in approval.

“Well, I’ll let you boys go, I’m sure you have plenty more introductions to make.” Joonmyun claps Chanyeol on the shoulder as they make to walk around him. “I’ll see you both later on, I imagine. Oh, and make sure to try some of the champagne, it’s delightful.”

Jongin pulls on Chanyeol’s hand forcefully and he follows in Jongin’s wake like an obedient dog. “Joonmyun seems nice,” Chanyeol hums.

“Nice in the same way an embarrassing dad is nice,” Jongin grumbles, without any real heat.

The walk to the bar is like running a gauntlet. Almost everyone they bump into on the way stops Jongin to introduce themselves to the stranger attached to his arm. Jongin watches with an increasing amount of amusement as Chanyeol charms every single one of his colleagues. He even manages to get a kiss from Soojung, when they bump into her and Amber almost literally when they finally make it to the bar.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Jongin’s told me so much about you.” She pushes a strand of hair away from her eyes as she steps back and her nails sparkle nearly as brightly as her eyes.

“Oh yeah?” Chanyeol hums, turning to look playfully at Jongin. “All good, I hope?”

“Mostly,” Soojung teases. Jongin reaches up to wipe away the residual pink smear of lipstick off Chanyeol’s cheek. Soojung sticks her tongue out.

Amber returns with from the bar with four bottles of beer cradled in her hands. “I know Joonmyun probably told you to get champagne,” she says with a grin as she distributes the bottles out between them all, “but this is the real good stuff.”

They hang out with the girls for a while, Jongin content to lean quietly against the bar with his beer as Soojung and Amber take turns interrogating Chanyeol, until eventually Amber takes Soojung by the hand and pulls drags her off to mingle with some of the other designers.

“Well,” Chanyeol begins as he leans on the bar next to Jongin, “nobody’s tried to bite me yet, I’d say this is all going pretty well, so far.” He knocks his hip against Jongin’s and Jongin smiles up at him. His face is already red from the beer and Jongin bats Chanyeol’s hand away when it comes up to poke at his cheeks.

“That’s because this was just a warm up,” Jongin says sagely. “Wait until you meet-“

Jongin never gets to finish that sentence.

“There you are, you little shit!” A familiar voice calls from across the room and Jongin braces himself as his vision is obscured by a shock of blond hair and then he’s grabbed around the neck. “Joonmyun told me you got here nearly an hour ago, where have you been hiding, huh?”

Sehun pulls back, hands still on Jongin’s shoulders. He suddenly seems to realise that Jongin isn’t alone and Jongin hopes the smile he offers Sehun isn’t too obviously nervous.

“Sehun, meet Chanyeol.”

Sehun’s eyes bug comically and he wheels away from Jongin.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says. He straightens up and inclines his head politely.

“Wow, hey, I did not expect to be meeting you tonight,” Sehun says. He looks Chanyeol up and down critically and then glances over at Jongin. “You decided to tell him about-?”

“It’s a long story.” Jongin swipes his thumb over the neck of his beer bottle, collects the moisture there onto his skin. “I’ll tell you about it some other time. But yeah, he knows.” Jongin’s gaze drifts up to Chanyeol’s face and he catches the way Chanyeol’s eyes linger on him, over Sehun’s shoulder. It’s that strange way that he’d been looking at Jongin for weeks before he went to Japan, and then in the morning when he’d woken up in Chanyeol’s bed. Jongin wonders if Chanyeol ever sees it on his face, too.

“Damn, well, hey, it’s good to finally meet you. Jongin’s been mooning over you for months but I was beginning to wonder whether we were ever going to meet you. I thought you might be just as big a hermit as Jongin.” Sehun has that fiendish smile on his face that never, ever means good things for Jongin.

“Oh, no, I’ve been trying to get him to be less of a hermit, actually, but these things take time.”

Jongin shoots Chanyeol a look of betrayal but Sehun, that bastard, his face actually lights up with pure, unadulterated glee.

“Is that right?” They’re almost the same height so it’s easy for Sehun to fling an arm over Chanyeol’s shoulders. “Well then, let me buy you another drink.”

Sehun clings to the pair of them for the rest of the night like an oversized leach, but Chanyeol doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, he and Sehun get on like a house on fire and it isn’t long before they begin to tease Jongin in tandem. Jongin isn't sure whether he should be afraid or not, but what he does know is that if this friendship continues after tonight Jongin will never be allowed to have a quiet weekend in by himself ever again.

Still, when Chanyeol excuses himself to go to the bathroom and Sehun slides across the booth they’ve co-opted to ruffle Jongin’s hair playfully, he can’t help the grin that crawls across his face.

“I like him,” Sehun says and it might be the amount he’s had to drink, but either way Jongin flushes with happiness at his friend’s approval.

“Yeah?” Jongin asks. He takes a long swig of beer to cover the way his voice cracks.

“Yeah, he seems pretty cool.” Sehun takes Jongin’s hand and squeezes it briefly. “And you know how they say opposites attract.”

Jongin yanks his hand away in outrage and Sehun falls about laughing. He’s still laughing when Chanyeol returns, looking bewildered between the two of them, until Sehun leans in to press a kiss to Jongin’s temple and then moves to allow Chanyeol back into the booth.

They stay until about half an hour past midnight. Jongin had slapped Sehun away when he’d leant in playfully for a kiss at the countdown and it’s harder than Jongin thought it would be, pulling away from the warmth of Chanyeol’s mouth. He tastes like beer and it should be disgusting, Jongin can taste it on his own breath, too, but all it does it make Jongin want to slide into his lap and taste more of it, Sehun’s presence be damned.

Sehun shoots him a look when they do finally pull apart and for the first time in a long while, Jongin refuses to be embarrassed, refuses to repentant for his broad smile or the arousal he can feel curling, hot and heavy, in his stomach.

“Let’s get out of here soon, okay?” Jongin leans in to whisper, his lips brushing over the shell of Chanyeol’s ear. Chanyeol agrees easily. They say their goodbyes to Sehun, who, to Jongin’s mixed horror and pleasure, exchanges numbers with Chanyeol, and Chanyeol twines their fingers together as they leave.

The air is cold enough outside by now that the way it bites Jongin’s face sobers him up a little. They fall into the back of a taxi together and watch the occasional firework explode in colour across the sky. Jongin doesn’t release Chanyeol’s hand, not even when they get back to Hapjeong, and he has to unlock his front door clumsily with his left.

As soon as Chanyeol closes the door behind them, Jongin turns and catches his mouth again. His fingers immediately tangle in Chanyeol’s hair, like he’d so badly wanted to do all those hours ago, and Jongin hears Chanyeol groan when he tugs gently.

“I should probably- probably go,” Chanyeol mumbles against Jongin’s mouth, but his voice is thick and he sounds like leaving is the absolute last thing he wants to do.

Jongin pulls back just enough to speak. “Don’t,” he says, and his voice sounds alien, rough and full of arousal. “Stay.”

The look he fixes Chanyeol with is loaded and it’s probably that, even more than the fingers curled into the soft hair at the nape of his neck, that has Chanyeol gasping and curling down to take Jongin’s mouth again.

“We don’t have to-“ Chanyeol starts to say, even as he moves from Jongin’s mouth and presses hot, searing kisses down the column of his throat. “I can wait, if you’re not ready, I-“

“I know you can, that’s why I want to.” Jongin pulls away from Chanyeol’s grip with great effort. He takes Chanyeol by the wrist and pulls him past the dark living room, down the hallway and into his bedroom. Jongin pauses only to flick the lamp on by the side of the bed and then he’s sinking down onto the mattress, tugging Chanyeol with him by the arm.

Jongin’s skin feels molten, his entire body ready to burst into flame, and the smile he levels at Chanyeol before he pulls him into an open mouthed kiss is full of promise.

Chanyeol’s hands sink into the mattress either side of his head and Jongin tips his head back into the pillow, gasps into Chanyeol’s mouth when he rearranges himself and one leg comes to rest between Jongin’s thighs, pressing up between his legs.

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll-“ Chanyeol stutters but Jongin shakes his head. He reaches up with trembling fingers and slowly undoes the buttons of Chanyeol’s shirt. It hangs loosely about Chanyeol’s shoulders like a veil once it’s unfastened and Jongin wastes no times in pushing it down and off, palms skating down the bare skin of his back.

Jongin drags his hands all the way down, right to the waistband of Chanyeol’s dress pants hung low around his waist. Chanyeol’s hips stutter. Jongin brings his hands around to the front and pulls the zipper down.

“Wait, hang on, let me catch up a little,” Chanyeol says and Jongin can hear the laugh in his voice even as it shakes. He deftly undoes Jongin’s shirt. Jongin has to arch his back in order for Chanyeol to pull it out from underneath him and the movement has them pressed tight together, skin to skin. Chanyeol pulls back, the distance between them brief and fleeting as Jongin pushes down on Chanyeol’s hips to bring him down closer, to push their bodies together again.

Chanyeol’s pants are still gaping open and Jongin slides a hand in boldly, stares up at Chanyeol with wide, dark eyes as he presses his palm down against the beginnings of Chanyeol’s hard on.

“Fuck, Jongin.” It’s been a long time since Jongin’s heard his own name spoken like that. Emboldened, he dips his hand into Chanyeol’s underwear and curls his fingers around his cock. It twitches in his palm and it feels so right, somehow. Chanyeol quakes above him and Jongin can feel the tension beneath his other hand, the one still clutching onto Chanyeol’s hip, can feel Chanyeol straining not to push forward into Jongin’s touch.

“It’s okay,” Jongin soothes. Chanyeol’s head falls forward and he bites at Jongin’s exposed collarbones. “I want-“ Jongin starts. He licks his lips and drags his fingers up to the head of Chanyeol’s cock, works him steadily until there’s precome leaking over his palm and Chanyeol is making these delicious little gasping noises in the back of his throat. “I want you to fuck me, but it’s been a while.”

Chanyeol kisses his way up Jongin’s throat, all the way up to his ear and finally to his cheek. “I’ll be gentle, I promise. I’ll do whatever you want,” he knocks their noses together, presses their foreheads close, “just tell me if you want to stop and we will, okay? I promise.”

Jongin feels a sudden, overwhelming rush of adoration bursting behind his ribcage and he surges up to kiss Chanyeol, open mouthed and almost desperate. He pulls his hand out of Chanyeol’s underwear, pushes himself up onto his elbows, and Chanyeol has to pull back, too, so Jongin can wriggle out of his hold.

He leans over to rummage in the drawer by the bed, and Jongin smiles when he feels Chanyeol’s body cant forward to press his open mouth against the bare slope of Jongin’s shoulder blade. When Jongin returns he deposits the lube and the condom on the mattress and then he sits back, appraises Chanyeol for a minute.

“Let me sit in your lap,” Jongin says, flush rising up on his cheeks. It spills down his chest and Chanyeol groans, mouth falling open even as he rolls obediently onto his back, swaps places with Jongin.

Chanyeol’s pants slip down to his thighs when he moves. Jongin slots into the splay of his legs and tugs them down and off. He tugs at Chanyeol’s underwear, too, until Chanyeol is miles of blissfully naked skin, stretched out across Jongin’s bed like a piece of artwork.

“No fair,” Chanyeol whines. Jongin laughs and drops his hands to his own pants. He drags them and his underwear down quickly, then tosses them over the side of the bed. His cock curls against his belly and Jongin feels suddenly self-conscious. It must be obvious on his face because Chanyeol props himself up on one elbow and reaches out for him. Jongin sees the way his bicep tenses as it takes his weight and his mouth feels dry.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks. Jongin nods but he lowers his eyes. “I bet people tell you how beautiful you are all the time,” Chanyeol says suddenly, “but you’re more than just the way you look. It’s the person you are that makes you so beautiful to me.” He hooks his fingers under Jongin’s chin and gently tips his head up. “You looked gorgeous in that advert, but I definitely prefer you like this.”

Jongin stares down at him for a long, silent moment, barely able to hear anything over the rushing of blood in his ears. Then he reaches over for the lube and presses it into Chanyeol’s hands. “Will you?”

Chanyeol lowers his legs so that they’re flat against the bed and he takes hold of Jongin’s hips, guides him so that he sits astride Chanyeol’s pelvis. Jongin shifts to rest some of his weight on his thighs and he can’t help keening when Chanyeol’s cock brushes against the inside, leaves a wet streak of precome against his skin.

The pop of the cap on the lube is painfully loud and Jongin watches as Chanyeol coats two, three fingers liberally, until they’re so slick they glisten in the low light. His hands slide around to Jongin’s ass and Jongin flinches forward at the cold touch against bare skin. Chanyeol murmurs a quiet little reassurance and Jongin stills, tipping his hips forward just a fraction, just enough.

The first finger that slides between his cheeks has Jongin’s eyes fluttering shut. His cock is painful against his stomach and one of Jongin’s hands drifts down to tug on it, fingers circling loosely around the base when Chanyeol applies gentle pressure to his entrance and then presses in.

Jongin’s touched himself in the time between his last relationship and now, but it’s always different when it’s somebody else and despite how much he wants this it still takes Jongin a minute to relax. Chanyeol slides his finger into him slowly, though, and by the time he’s knuckle deep Jongin is squirming, thighs squeezing tight around Chanyeol’s hips.

“Ready for more?” Chanyeol murmurs. His voice already sounds so wrecked. Jongin nods his head, hair flopping down over his eyes, and they’re still shut as Chanyeol eases another finger into him. “You’re so good, Jongin, you’re doing so well.” His voice is so deep Jongin swears he can feel the bass throbbing in his bones. He spreads his fingers inside Jongin and it burns enough to have Jongin gasping, eyes flying open even as he tips his head back.

“Is it too much?” Chanyeol asks, stilling his fingers. Jongin’s hand has gone limp around his cock and Chanyeol covers it with his own, drags both of their hands up to the head. He smears the precome beading there and Jongin’s hips jerk up in response.

“No, it’s okay,” Jongin breathes, “I’m okay. More, Chanyeol, please.”

The first press of the third finger makes Jongin cry out and Chanyeol stops when he’s only in to the first knuckle. Jongin shifts, raising himself up on quivering thighs and laying both palms on Chanyeol’s chest for support. His nails dig tiny little crescents into Chanyeol’s skin but he nods his head and Chanyeol slides in further, wriggling in beside the other fingers until all three are pressed deep inside him.

“Oh my god,” Jongin sobs. His skin gleams the colour of spun gold where it catches the light, shadows spilling over the dip of his abs as his stomach tenses. Jongin eases back off Chanyeol’s chest, seats himself down onto Chanyeol’s hand and he cries out, loud and sharp and stunned, when the motion pushes the tips of Chanyeol’s fingers up against his prostate. “There,” Jongin groans, lifting his hips up a fraction and then easing back down. “There, please, Chanyeol, please-“

“Shh, I’ve got you, it’s okay.” Chanyeol spreads his fingers apart and Jongin feels like he’s being torn in two. Then he grinds them back down again, applying persistent pressure against Jongin’s prostate, and Jongin forgets about how stuffed full he feels, how tight it feels, forgets about everything but the white, hot pleasure that rushes up his spine.

Jongin has never been noisy in bed, not by any means, but he can’t help the sounds that spill from his throat as Chanyeol twists his wrist and drives his fingers into him, as he fingers him open so slow and hot and so good Jongin could cry, could weep with how good it feels.

“More, Chanyeol, please.” Jongin shifts, wriggles further back in Chanyeol’s lap, and Chanyeol’s whole body shudders beneath him when his cock slips between Jongin’s thighs. Jongin clamps down, hard, and Chanyeol’s resulting moan sounds like it could move mountains. “I want more, I want you to fuck me, please.”

“Okay, okay, god Jongin, you have no idea-“ he slides his fingers free of Jongin’s body and the sound it makes is obscene. Suddenly, the loss feels too much and Jongin’s hips rock forward of their own accord, pressing the length of Chanyeol’s cock up between his ass cheeks.

“Wait, Jongin, fuck- wait-“ Chanyeol sounds physically pained as he reaches for the discarded condom packet. His fingers are still covered in lube and they’re shaking so much that it takes him a few tries to tear the foil open. He reaches between their bodies to roll the condom on and then wipes the lube residue off down the length.

“Tell me if I hurt you,” Chanyeol says. His knuckles knock against Jongin’s ass as he lines the head of his cock up against Jongin’s entrance. It feels much bigger than three fingers did and Jongin nods, taking a deep, shuddering breath to try and stop himself tensing up.

The first press in is almost too much. If Jongin had felt full on three fingers it’s nothing compared to the way the head of Chanyeol’s cock splits him open. His body hasn’t forgotten the way it feels, though, his muscle memory still remembers what to do, no matter how long it’s been. Jongin braces his palms against Chanyeol’s chest again and when he tips his hips forward the slide into him becomes much easier. Gradually, inch-by-inch, Chanyeol slides in until he’s bottoming out with a long, drawn out moan.

“Shit, Jongin, you feel so fucking good.” Chanyeol squeezes his eyes shut and Jongin watches as he braces himself on both elbows. His skin is clammy and tacky beneath Jongin’s palms. “Are you okay? Is it- oh, fuck.”

Jongin pushes his hips back and sinks down, sitting back until his ass is pressed snug against Chanyeol’s pelvis. “I’m okay, I’m- ah-“

Jongin tips his head up, bares the column of his throat. His cock feels unbearably heavy between his legs but Jongin is too preoccupied with the way Chanyeol feels inside him, the way he feels like he’s burning with pleasure from the inside out.

They slowly build up a rhythm together. Chanyeol brings one hand up to Jongin’s back, fingers splayed as he strokes up and down the notches of his spine. He brings his legs up for leverage, too, plants his feet against the mattress, and Jongin uses them to lean against. The motion of his hips is languid, at first, but then Chanyeol pushes up into him, meets Jongin as he bears down, and it presses the head of his cock into Jongin’s prostate.

“Fuck, Chanyeol, please, please,” Jongin moans, bouncing almost frantically. Chanyeol’s hand slides down to the small of his back, thumb pressing just into the crease of his ass.

“You’re amazing, Jongin,” Chanyeol gasps. His hair is plastered to his forehead with sweat and he has to squeeze his eyes shut against a sudden wave of pleasure. Jongin thinks he might come, but Chanyeol grits his teeth and thrusts up so hard Jongin almost gets unseated. “You’re so good, so fucking good.”

Jongin’s head falls back and the praise is almost too much. His stomach feels tight and his cock slaps against his stomach with every motion of his hips. Jongin curls his fingers around the head, smears the precome with his thumb, and his whole body flinches.

“Chanyeol, I’m gonna-“ He stares up at the ceiling and it’s hard to breathe, let alone speak. “I’m gonna come, I’m so close, please, Chanyeol.”

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol soothes, even though his voice is so strung out it’s a wonder he can even use it. “You can come, it’s okay.” He moves his hand from Jongin’s back, instead covers Jongin’s hand on his cock. They work him together, jacking him off until Jongin’s whole body seizes up and orgasm slams into him with the force of a freight train.

Jongin grits his teeth as his comes. He chokes on Chanyeol’s name and then his mouth falls open as his pleasure crests and then breaks. Jongin feels Chanyeol reach his peak, too, feels the heat of it deep inside his body as he spills into the condom.

They’re both gasping as they come down. Jongin feels like his heart might beat right out of his chest, thudding like a drum against the back of his ribs. His head lolls, chin bumping his chest, and Jongin barely has the energy to lift it, even when he feels Chanyeol shift beneath him.

“Jongin?” Chanyeol’s voice cracks on the second syllable. He clears his throat and tries again. “Jongin, are you okay?” His fingers stroke comforting little circles over Jongin’s hipbones.

Jongin whines softly and Chanyeol grins, wide and full of teeth.

“Speechless, huh? I must say, I’m flattered.” He brings his hand back up to support Jongin’s back as he lowers his legs. Jongin’s thighs are still trembling and when he tries to lift himself up they give way beneath him. They both hiss when Jongin sinks back down onto Chanyeol’s spent cock. “Hey, here, hang on, I’ve got you.”

Chanyeol cradles Jongin’s back and the world spins as he rolls them both over. Jongin’s breath leaves his chest in a whoosh as his back hits the mattress. Chanyeol leans over him to press a kiss to Jongin’s forehead and then pulls away, gently eases his cock free of Jongin’s body.

Jongin watches as Chanyeol climbs from the bed. He crosses the room on unsteady legs and tosses the used condom into the bin, then staggers back to the bed like a drunkard.

“Come here,” Jongin says, voice hoarse. He holds his hand out, palm up and still shaking a little. The look on Chanyeol’s face is so tender it’s almost painful. He takes Jongin’s hand and then climbs up beside him.

The sheets stick to Jongin’s back. He grimaces as he rolls onto his side. Chanyeol props himself up on his elbow so that they’re facing each other, their joint hand resting on the mattress between them, and he’s smiling as Jongin tangles their bare legs together.

“I love you,” Jongin murmurs. The way Chanyeol is looking at him makes him feel suddenly shy.

“I love you, too.” Chanyeol presses a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Was that okay for you? I wasn’t too rough, was I? I forget myself, sometimes, and I-“

Jongin laughs, a beautiful, tinkling little giggle that steals the words from the tip of Chanyeol’s tongue.

“It was perfect,” he says, looking down at their hands briefly. Chanyeol’s fingers are drawing patterns over the back of his palm. “You were perfect. Thank you.”

“I meant what I said before, you know.”

“What?” Jongin’s eyelids are starting to droop and it’s a struggle to keep himself awake.

“About how beautiful you are.” Jongin’s eyes flicker open. Chanyeol’s smiling but he looks deadly serious. Jongin isn’t sure what to say. “I know you do a job that’s kind of dependent on you looking good, and you do, god you do. I bet there are men and women up and down the country who wish they could work a tiny pair of pants half as well as you can.”

Jongin feels himself starting to colour and he’s tempted to hide his face. Chanyeol squeezes his hand.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that that isn’t the be and end all of everything that you are, for me.” Chanyeol gazes at him thoughtfully. “It’s an important part of you, and I’m fine with that, but it’s all of the other bits of you that I fell in love with. These fingers,” Chanyeol lifts their joint hands and kisses his knuckles. “That smile, your laugh. How embarrassed you get when I compliment you,” Chanyeol smiles at him knowingly. “How much you love your dogs, and your friends. The way you look all bundled up in the cold. Joonmyun was right, you’re special. I feel privileged that you’ve allowed me to get this close to you and I don’t want you to ever think that I’m with you for any other reason than that I love you. I love every single little bit of you, Jongin.”

There’s a traitorous wetness building behind Jongin’s eyes and he blinks it away rapidly. He stares down at their joint hands and he’s lost for words, doesn’t know how to explain how much all of that means to him. In the end he doesn’t say anything. He just crawls into Chanyeol’s arms and buries his face into his chest.

The way Chanyeol laughs makes his whole body vibrate and Jongin’s teeth almost chatter. Chanyeol’s arms come up to bracket him, to hold him close, and Jongin closes his eyes.

“Happy new year, Chanyeol,” he says softly, lips brushing Chanyeol’s skin as he speaks.

“Happy new year, Jongin,” Chanyeol repeats. He leans over to flick the light off and then buries his nose into Jongin’s hair. He presses a soft kiss there and Jongin feels his eyelashes flutter.

Chanyeol’s heartbeat thumps a rhythm beneath his ear and Jongin allows it to soothe him to sleep.







They wake late the next morning.

There’s a string of messages on his phone from Sehun that are almost entirely suggestive emoticons that Jongin chooses very pointedly not to answer. There’s also one from Baekhyun, too, that Jongin definitely doesn’t ignore.

Happy new year Jonginnie!! A little blond birdie told me you and Chanyeol (hey buddy, check kkt) spent the night together last night. You can save the gory details for when you come round to mine for dinner later. And don’t even think about trying to say no, now that you’re sleeping with Chanyeol you’ll NEVER get out of seeing me when I call kekekekeke >:)

Chanyeol groans when Jongin shows him the message. He pulls the sheets up over his head and refuses to come out until Jongin promises him breakfast from the mandu place downstairs.

They spend most of the day lazing around Jongin’s place and it isn’t until much later, after they share a shower and Jongin gets so distracted kissing Chanyeol that their fingers wrinkle up into prunes, that they wrap up against the cold and head out to Baekhyun’s flat.

Chanyeol has to borrow a jumper from Jongin to protect him from the cold, and he’s still complaining about it, his breath fogging up in the air in front of him and making him look like a great, disgruntled dragon, when someone taps Jongin on the arm.

“I’m sorry, I know this is incredibly rude and I don’t mean to disturb you, but are you Kai?”

Chanyeol and Jongin both turn as one. The girl that looks up at them is pretty, from what Jongin can see of her face behind her scarf. Jongin blinks for a second, struck dumb, before he realises that both the girl and Chanyeol are staring at him, waiting for an answer.

“Um- yes, yeah, I am.” Jongin’s voice wavers a little. He blames it on the impish grin he can see crawling up onto Chanyeol’s face.

“Would it be too much to ask for a quick autograph? I’m sorry, I know you must get disturbed like this all the time.”

“It’s okay,” Jongin says softly, determined not to look at Chanyeol.

“Oh, thank you so much!” She goes to rummage in her bag and the scarf slips down from around her mouth. “I must have some paper in here somewhere. Here we go!” She pulls a Moleskine out and flips it open to the back, then dives back into her bag for a biro.

“It’s not a problem, honestly. Who should I make it out to?” Jongin asks, taking hold of the pen once she finds it.

“Juhyun, please. If you could.” Her voice is soft and calming. It reminds Jongin of Soojung. “I’ve been a big fan of yours for years. I always buy the underwear you endorse for my boyfriend.”

Jongin smiles up at her as he finishes signing, happy new year juhyun~ thank you for your support, I hope 2016 is full of health and happiness, love kai. She accepts the notebook and pen from him gratefully and stows them back into her bag. Juhyun looks like she’s about to bow and go off on her way, when Chanyeol suddenly speaks up.

“Hey, do you have a phone on you?” He smiles at Juhyun and she nods. “Want me to take a picture of you guys?”

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly,” she says, though Jongin can see the way she looks at him hopefully. He doesn’t even have the heart to scowl at Chanyeol. “I’ve already taken up too much of your time.”

“You can, if you want,” Jongin says, hoping furiously that he isn’t blushing. “I don’t mind.”

“Really? Thank you so much!” She grabs her phone from her pocket and holds it out to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol takes a few steps away from them but Jongin can still see the wide grin that’s splitting his mouth, even as he holds the phone up in front of his face.

“Okay, smile! On three; one, two, three!”

Jongin smiles obediently at the camera and it stays on his face when Chanyeol shows Juhyun the picture for approval, when he sees how happy she is.

“Thank you so much, honestly. That was so kind, of you both.” She bows at both Jongin and Chanyeol in turn. Chanyeol looks incredibly pleased with himself. “Happy new year!” She beams and then heads off in the opposite direction, her shoes clicking against the pavement.

Jongin busies himself with rearranging his scarf back around his face. They set off walking in the direction of the subway again and there’s a moment of loaded silence before Chanyeol finally clears his throat and speaks.

“So, is this something I’m gonna have to get used to, now? Is this part of the daily life of a celebrity?” Chanyeol teases. Jongin punches him in the stomach.

“Sometimes,” Jongin mumbles into his scarf. His breath escapes in a white cloud between the threads and Chanyeol throws an arm over his shoulder, even as he nurses his stomach with the other. Jongin nestles in closer for warmth.

His cheeks feel a little rosy but where once, not too long ago, an encounter like that, especially in front of someone else, would have left Jongin feeling mortified, now he just feels mildly embarrassed and even slightly pleased with himself.

They get to Hapjeong station and Jongin pulls away from Chanyeol’s embrace. They ride the escalator down together, Jongin in front and Chanyeol one step behind. Chanyeol throws his arms over Jongin’s shoulders, pulls playfully on the ends of Jongin’s scarf, and Jongin doesn’t think he’s ever been happier.