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fliccuThese tears we cry
Baekhyun/Chanyeol
R, 1090 words
Warnings for discussion of death and coping mechanisms thereafter.
So this happened and I was going to write something fun and lighthearted, but then I remembered I'm incapable of nice things and wrote about death and the impact of it instead. It would have been nice to be able to expand on this a bit more, but time constraints mean this is the best I can offer.
Ever since he was a little boy, Baekhyun had known that all he ever wanted to do was help people. He’d never been quite academic enough to be a doctor, so a career in nursing had seemed like the most logical choice.
He’d worked part time as a supermarket cashier to put himself through nursing college. He’d endured three years of minimal sleep, constant studying and, in his final year, teetered almost constantly on the edge of breakdown from the immense workload. But eventually he’d done it. Through sheer force of will and determination and refusal to let go of his dreams, Baekhyun had done it, and the day that he’d finally been able to walk onto the ward as a fully qualified nurse will forever stand out in Baekhyun’s memory as the proudest moment of his life.
Though he would never admit it himself, Baekhyun is a breath of fresh air at work, loved by patients and staff with almost equal affection. Even when he’s moved into the Accident and Emergency department, where he walks amongst death and heartbreak every single day, Baekhyun excels at teasing a moment of laughter or a tiny smile from a person in almost unbelievable pain. His sunny disposition and unwavering smile are a source of comfort to those who need it most.
The ability to make people smile is something Baekhyun has always prided himself on.
It’s everything that Baekhyun ever dreamed it would be, as a child. Every day he patches people up; he stitches their wounds and fixes their breaks. But it’s the emotions, really, raw and unfettered across the faces of every soul that passes through those doors, that stick with him. Seeing the relief and joy on someone’s face when he’s able to hold their hand in a moment of uncertainty and tell them that their loved one is going to be okay is a singular joy that Baekhyun will never get used to.
It’s all Baekhyun has ever wanted.
But that doesn’t mean the job is entirely without its challenges and even the normally infallible Baekhyun can’t help but let it all pile on top of him, sometimes, pressing heavy and relentless until he feels like he can barely breathe. There are some days where, try as he might to keep himself afloat, Baekhyun can’t help taking his work home with him.
Those are the days when he has to face up to the fact that some people just can’t be fixed. Those are the days when he drives home from the hospital in silence, the road stretching endless and unseen before his eyes. Those are the days when he doesn’t even bother to wipe the dried up tear tracks from his cheeks before he pushes the door open to his flat. Those are the days when Baekhyun relies on Chanyeol to be his crutch against the pain that feels like it might consume his heart.
They’d been introduced by a mutual friend, years ago, and though Chanyeol has long since been privy to the entire catalogue of Baekhyun’s lowest moments, there is still a little, niggling part of him that feels guilt for the dark cloud that follows him home on those days. Even when Chanyeol gets one look at the expression on his face and he knows, without having to ask, what must have happened. Even when he reaches out for Baekhyun, folds him into the crook of his arms and cradles him like a child as he cries, there is still some part of Baekhyun that doesn’t even feel as though it’s his place to grieve so deeply.
On some days, when the pain is most raw, the reassurance of Chanyeol’s warm, living body by his side is all Baekhyun craves. He aches for the sound of Chanyeol’s voice, breath ghosting by the shell of his ear as he hushes him. Baekhyun longs for the way Chanyeol rocks him until the sobs subside and eyes that burn like fire fall blessedly shut.
On others he looks for distraction. It’s almost uncanny how Chanyeol seems to know, within seconds of laying eyes upon his face, exactly what Baekhyun needs.
When he cannot bear, for another second, to dwell on the agony of mortality, Chanyeol is there to pull him from the pit of his own despair. Chanyeol is there to remind him that regardless of its fleeting nature, life is a precious gift that should never be taken for granted. Perhaps it is even because it is so brief, that Baekhyun feels obliged to make the most of every moment he has left.
Those are the nights that Chanyeol peels the scrubs from Baekhyun’s body and kisses every inch of naked skin that the act reveals. Those are the nights when Baekhyun, usually so assertive in the pursuit of pleasure, allows Chanyeol to push him down onto his back and lay his own body between Baekhyun’s legs, where he bites sharp kisses into the crease of his thighs that will still sting in the morning.
Those are the nights where they make love. Those are the nights where Baekhyun clings desperately to Chanyeol’s shoulders as they rock together, hot and sweaty and so alive, so blissfully and mercifully alive.
Ordinarily Baekhyun would chase after his own climax with the same dogged determination with which he pursues everything in his life. But on nights like these he holds Chanyeol to him as fiercely as he can, for as long as he can, and seeks comfort in the strength of a moment that could be snatched away from him at any second.
When the end finally comes, the seconds where Chanyeol pulls away from him stretch like hours, and Baekhyun tries not to tremble as he waits for the warmth of Chanyeol’s body against his to return. But Chanyeol comes back to him. Chanyeol always comes back to him, wrapping himself around Baekhyun like a security blanket. His skin is tacky and he radiates warmth, but Baekhyun slides their legs together all the same, tangles the two of them up so thoroughly that there isn’t an inch of space left where they do not touch.
Slowly Baekhyun’s breathing evens out and his heavy lids fall shut. He reaches out with a shaking hand and lays it on Chanyeol’s chest. The beat of Chanyeol’s heart is frantic beneath his palm.
It might not last forever, but still Baekhyun sends a quiet word of thanks to all the gods that exist on this Earth for the precious beauty of life.
Baekhyun/Chanyeol
R, 1090 words
Warnings for discussion of death and coping mechanisms thereafter.
So this happened and I was going to write something fun and lighthearted, but then I remembered I'm incapable of nice things and wrote about death and the impact of it instead. It would have been nice to be able to expand on this a bit more, but time constraints mean this is the best I can offer.
Ever since he was a little boy, Baekhyun had known that all he ever wanted to do was help people. He’d never been quite academic enough to be a doctor, so a career in nursing had seemed like the most logical choice.
He’d worked part time as a supermarket cashier to put himself through nursing college. He’d endured three years of minimal sleep, constant studying and, in his final year, teetered almost constantly on the edge of breakdown from the immense workload. But eventually he’d done it. Through sheer force of will and determination and refusal to let go of his dreams, Baekhyun had done it, and the day that he’d finally been able to walk onto the ward as a fully qualified nurse will forever stand out in Baekhyun’s memory as the proudest moment of his life.
Though he would never admit it himself, Baekhyun is a breath of fresh air at work, loved by patients and staff with almost equal affection. Even when he’s moved into the Accident and Emergency department, where he walks amongst death and heartbreak every single day, Baekhyun excels at teasing a moment of laughter or a tiny smile from a person in almost unbelievable pain. His sunny disposition and unwavering smile are a source of comfort to those who need it most.
The ability to make people smile is something Baekhyun has always prided himself on.
It’s everything that Baekhyun ever dreamed it would be, as a child. Every day he patches people up; he stitches their wounds and fixes their breaks. But it’s the emotions, really, raw and unfettered across the faces of every soul that passes through those doors, that stick with him. Seeing the relief and joy on someone’s face when he’s able to hold their hand in a moment of uncertainty and tell them that their loved one is going to be okay is a singular joy that Baekhyun will never get used to.
It’s all Baekhyun has ever wanted.
But that doesn’t mean the job is entirely without its challenges and even the normally infallible Baekhyun can’t help but let it all pile on top of him, sometimes, pressing heavy and relentless until he feels like he can barely breathe. There are some days where, try as he might to keep himself afloat, Baekhyun can’t help taking his work home with him.
Those are the days when he has to face up to the fact that some people just can’t be fixed. Those are the days when he drives home from the hospital in silence, the road stretching endless and unseen before his eyes. Those are the days when he doesn’t even bother to wipe the dried up tear tracks from his cheeks before he pushes the door open to his flat. Those are the days when Baekhyun relies on Chanyeol to be his crutch against the pain that feels like it might consume his heart.
They’d been introduced by a mutual friend, years ago, and though Chanyeol has long since been privy to the entire catalogue of Baekhyun’s lowest moments, there is still a little, niggling part of him that feels guilt for the dark cloud that follows him home on those days. Even when Chanyeol gets one look at the expression on his face and he knows, without having to ask, what must have happened. Even when he reaches out for Baekhyun, folds him into the crook of his arms and cradles him like a child as he cries, there is still some part of Baekhyun that doesn’t even feel as though it’s his place to grieve so deeply.
On some days, when the pain is most raw, the reassurance of Chanyeol’s warm, living body by his side is all Baekhyun craves. He aches for the sound of Chanyeol’s voice, breath ghosting by the shell of his ear as he hushes him. Baekhyun longs for the way Chanyeol rocks him until the sobs subside and eyes that burn like fire fall blessedly shut.
On others he looks for distraction. It’s almost uncanny how Chanyeol seems to know, within seconds of laying eyes upon his face, exactly what Baekhyun needs.
When he cannot bear, for another second, to dwell on the agony of mortality, Chanyeol is there to pull him from the pit of his own despair. Chanyeol is there to remind him that regardless of its fleeting nature, life is a precious gift that should never be taken for granted. Perhaps it is even because it is so brief, that Baekhyun feels obliged to make the most of every moment he has left.
Those are the nights that Chanyeol peels the scrubs from Baekhyun’s body and kisses every inch of naked skin that the act reveals. Those are the nights when Baekhyun, usually so assertive in the pursuit of pleasure, allows Chanyeol to push him down onto his back and lay his own body between Baekhyun’s legs, where he bites sharp kisses into the crease of his thighs that will still sting in the morning.
Those are the nights where they make love. Those are the nights where Baekhyun clings desperately to Chanyeol’s shoulders as they rock together, hot and sweaty and so alive, so blissfully and mercifully alive.
Ordinarily Baekhyun would chase after his own climax with the same dogged determination with which he pursues everything in his life. But on nights like these he holds Chanyeol to him as fiercely as he can, for as long as he can, and seeks comfort in the strength of a moment that could be snatched away from him at any second.
When the end finally comes, the seconds where Chanyeol pulls away from him stretch like hours, and Baekhyun tries not to tremble as he waits for the warmth of Chanyeol’s body against his to return. But Chanyeol comes back to him. Chanyeol always comes back to him, wrapping himself around Baekhyun like a security blanket. His skin is tacky and he radiates warmth, but Baekhyun slides their legs together all the same, tangles the two of them up so thoroughly that there isn’t an inch of space left where they do not touch.
Slowly Baekhyun’s breathing evens out and his heavy lids fall shut. He reaches out with a shaking hand and lays it on Chanyeol’s chest. The beat of Chanyeol’s heart is frantic beneath his palm.
It might not last forever, but still Baekhyun sends a quiet word of thanks to all the gods that exist on this Earth for the precious beauty of life.
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Date: 2015-12-23 07:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-12-24 01:13 pm (UTC)(also i really need to stop taking things that are supposed to be cute and lighthearted and making them sad but i just can't help myself)
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Date: 2016-02-01 04:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-02-02 09:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-05 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-05 10:49 am (UTC)