[21] part 3 of 4

[chajatta.livejournal.com]

Joonmyun tends not to call Jongin into his office unless it’s for something important.

For most things, things that don’t require anything in the way of an immediate reply, he tends to just drop Jongin an email. But Joonmyun has been Jongin’s manager since he was twenty and he knows better than almost anyone that Jongin has a terrible habit of forgetting to reply to emails, or forgetting even to read them. So when Jongin gets a call from Joonmyun when he’s more than half way to work but less than half awake, telling him to come straight to his office when he arrives, Jongin knows something must be up.

Sehun, Soojung, and Jinri are already waiting when Jongin arrives and they all look up when he enters. Joonmyun stands from behind his desk.

“Ah, Jongin, you’re here.” He gestures towards the sofa Sehun is sprawled across. “Take a seat and I’ll get started.”

Jongin slides into the gap and meets Sehun’s raised eyebrows with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I called you in to see me so early,” Joonmyun begins, wringing his hands together. Jongin watches him pace before he retreats back behind his desk. “I assure you it’s nothing bad, it’s actually quite- quite exciting, I think. A very good opportunity for the company and for all of you, if not a little more short notice than we would normally like-“

“Can you get to the point?” Sehun snaps. He doesn’t have any makeup on and the dark circles beneath his eyes stand out starkly against his pale skin.

“Right, of course.” Joonmyun clears his throat and the smile on his face makes him look like he’s chewing glass. “You all know the work the company has been doing recently to increase our profile overseas. We’re in a very comfortable position in Korea, of course, and that is something we strive to maintain, but our true goal is for Meteor Shower to become a globally recognised brand.”

He pauses. Soojung sniffs.

“So, in order for us to do that, we must, of course, partake in more activities abroad. The company has been offered a slot at a very prestigious runway show in Tokyo and the four of you have been selected, as arguably our most successful and recognisable faces, to go as representatives.”

Jongin straightens up in his seat. Joonmyun, for all of the corporate spiel he’s just unleashed on them, is right. But he still has that painful smile on his face and it’s that, more than anything, which stops Jongin’s excitement from rising too much. There has to be a catch.

“So when is it?” Jinri demands. Joonmyun’s smile withers under the force of her gaze.

“Christmas eve.”

“Christmas eve?” Sehun repeats, incredulous. “That’s less than a week away, we’ll never be ready in time.”

“I appreciate that this is very short notice-“ Jinri scoffs, “and doubtless you all had plans for Christmas. Soojung I know you planned to go back to California and you can trust that we’ll look into making sure you’re reimbursed when you get back. But I’m sure you can all appreciate the potential doors this could open for us. Japan is a huge market and if we’re all prepared to put in some hard work over the holidays I’m confident it will be rewarded.”

There’s silence for what must be a solid minute. Joonmyun fidgets nervously, tugging on the bottom of his tie, before Sehun speaks.

“When do we leave?”

“Tomorrow night.” Joonmyun goes into one of his drawers and pulls out four envelopes. He steps out from behind his desk and distributes them out between the four of them. “Here are your flight tickets. There’s also a copy of your schedules and hotel reservations.” Joonmyun sighs and he looks so anxious that Jongin feels a sudden surge of sympathy for him.

“Look, I know this isn’t ideal timing and I’m sorry for springing it on you like this. But this is really great opportunity, for all of you, and I know you’ll all put your best efforts into it, won’t you?”

There’s a grumbled chorus of replies. Joonmyun must take that as some sort of encouragement because he claps his hands together with forced enthusiasm. Jongin jumps.

“Good. That’s good. I know you all have things to be getting on with today, so I’ll let you go. Just make sure you’re all back here no later than seven tomorrow evening and we’ll head to the airport together. Now go on.”

He makes a shooing motion with his hands and the four of them stand to leave. Jongin trails out of Joonmyun’s office last. Soojung and Jinri are gone, but Sehun is waiting for him, leaning against the opposite wall with the manila envelope clutched in his hand.

“Typical, right?” He snorts, falling easily into step beside Jongin. “It wouldn’t be SooMan if all good news wasn't followed by tragic timing, would it? Still, it’s been too long since either of us has walked the runway and they’re always a laugh. Plus I might be able to pick up some hot Japanese models to spend Christmas with.”

“Pig.” Jongin snorts. “I don’t know why any girl would want to hook up with a scrawny bag of bones like you.”

Sehun squawks and drives the hard point of his elbow into Jongin’s ribs.

“Ow, hey, you’re doing nothing but prove my point here.” Jongin laughs, slapping at Sehun with his envelope.

“I’ll have you know that I’m a fine specimen of a man and if you’re too blind to appreciate that, then that’s your loss, dude.” Sehun teases, digging Jongin in the side again. He pulls away when they reach the end of the corridor. “I’ve gotta meet Amber for a fitting, so I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, later.” Jongin waves his friend away and heads off to his own appointment. He tucks the envelope into his back pocket out of the way, but it isn’t something Jongin can easily forget about and it weighs there heavily for the rest of the day as a constant reminder.







Jongin doesn’t even bother taking his coat off when he gets home. He pauses in the hallway to shuck his shoes off and then stumbles through the flat like a zombie, shuffling down the hallway until he reaches the living room, where he face plants onto the sofa.

It’s late, late enough that the sun has long since set and Jongin’s apartment is soaked in darkness. He could flick a lamp on, but that would require sitting up, and Jongin is far too comfortable where he is, even with his feet dangling over the arm and the collar of his coat pressing into his neck.

He must lie there for at least half an hour, body sinking into the soft sofa cushions as he teeters on the edge of wakefulness. Eventually his stomach begins to grumble and Jongin goes to push himself upright, to head into the kitchen for something quick and easy to sate his hunger. As he stands, something falls from his pocket and Jongin bends to pick it up with a tired sigh.

Jongin had spent most of his lunch break pouring over the details of their impromptu Japan trip with Soojung, but now that he’s away from the chaos of work and back in the safety of his own place, the weight of the envelope between his fingers reminds Jongin that he still needs to speak to Chanyeol.

Jongin tosses the envelope onto the coffee table for now and he digs his phone out of his pocket. He finally shucks off his coat, draping it over the back of the sofa, and draws up his chat log with Chanyeol as he heads to the kitchen.

Hey, are you free first thing tomorrow morning? Could we go and get a drink somewhere? I have something I need to talk to you about.

Jongin leaves his phone on the countertop while he rummages around in the fridge for some leftovers to reheat.

im sorry, i have a meeting with my supervisor at 9 and then i have classes all day. i can meet you after though if you want. is everything okay? i dont need to be worried right?

Jongin sighs and leans heavily against the refrigerator door. The light spills out onto the grey kitchen tiles and washes them white.

No, you don’t need to worry. I’m a bit bound by time, though, and I didn’t really want to do this over text.

There’s a tupperware box of leftover vegetables squirreled away behind a half empty carton of eggs and Jongin pulls it out gratefully. He heats up a pan of oil and he’s just setting up the rice cooker when Chanyeol’s reply comes through.

okay forgive me for still being a bit concerned by that. are you sure youre okay? i can skype call you if you want. would that be better?

Yes, please.

Jongin tips his vegetables out and they sizzle and hiss when they hit the bottom of the pan. The Skype icon flashes up on his phone and Jongin turns his back on the hob, propping his phone up against the side of the rice cooker before swiping to accept the call.

Despite the worry crawling in his stomach, Jongin finds himself smiling almost as soon as he sees Chanyeol’s face. He must have been in the middle of studying when Jongin messaged him, because there is a pair of thick, black glasses perched on his nose and Jongin can see a pile of papers stacked haphazardly in the corner of the frame.

“Nice glasses,” Jongin says, in lieu of a greeting. Chanyeol grins.

“Do they make me look more intellectual?” Chanyeol asks. “Hey, it’s so dark I can barely see you. Are you hiding on purpose? Is that what this is about? Have you come down with a horrible case of boils?”

“Sorry, hang on.” Jongin leaves his phone for a moment and goes to flick a light on. The kitchen floods with golden light and when Jongin comes back into shot Chanyeol smiles.

“There you are. Boil free and gorgeous as ever.” Chanyeol scratches his shoulder absently and Jongin tries not to be distracted by the way the tank top he’s wearing bares his arms. “So what’s up?”

“Well,” Jongin starts. He can hear the pan of vegetables sizzling behind him and he goes to poke at them. When he turns back to his phone Chanyeol is still waiting patiently, peering up at him. “I’m being sent to Tokyo.” Jongin blurts out. He sees Chanyeol blink behind his glasses.

“You’re- what?”

“For work. I’m being sent to Tokyo for work.” Jongin shifts his weight about, bare feet sliding on the tiled floor. “They only told me this morning and I wanted to see you before I went, tell you face to face, but I’m flying out tomorrow night and they’ve barely given me any time to pack, let alone-“

“Hey, Jongin, breathe.” Chanyeol’s voice is gentle through the phone and Jongin stills. “How long will you be gone for?”

“Until the day after Christmas.”

“Oh, wow, that’s pretty long.” Jongin isn’t sure if Chanyeol actually looks crestfallen or if he’s just reading too much into the miniscule downturn of Chanyeol’s lips.

“I know.” Jongin drums his knuckles against the countertop. “I’d rather not go. I’d rather stay here and spend Christmas with you, but I don’t exactly have a choice.”

“Oh yeah? So that’s how it’s gonna be now, huh? Now that you’ve tasted my cooking I’ll never be able to get rid of you?”

Jongin laughs softly, the corners of his mouth curving upwards. “Yeah, something like that.” He knows his own cooking is probably burnt through his inattention and he reaches over to flick the heat off, all without taking his eyes off Chanyeol.

“That’s alright, I’m happy to play chef for you any time.” Chanyeol’s smile is easy and it sends heat rushing through Jongin’s gut. “I’d rather spend Christmas with you, too. But you’ll be back for New Year, and hey, Tokyo is pretty cool. Any idea what you’re going to be doing over there?”

“I won’t bore you with the details,” Jongin says. He waves a hand and tries to quash the familiar surge of guilt that rises up within him as he continues to lie to Chanyeol about his work.

Chanyeol snorts. “I’m sure your job is at least one hundred times less boring than you think it is. Hey, listen, you look exhausted and I have a tonne more work to do before my meeting tomorrow so I’m gonna let you go.” Chanyeol shifts in his seat. Jongin sees the way the pimples across his cheeks are illuminated in the glow of his laptop and he wants desperately to kiss him. “Have something to eat and then get some rest, okay? We’ll talk before you leave tomorrow, but be safe and have fun and keep in touch when you can.”

“I will.” Jongin smiles fondly and leans in closer. “Good luck with your meeting. Don’t stay up too late.”

“Yes dear,” Chanyeol trills obediently. “Goodnight Jonginnie. Sleep well.”

Jongin waves Chanyeol goodnight and when he hangs up the kitchen suddenly seems much emptier for the lack of Chanyeol’s presence within it. Jongin picks up his phone and flicks through to his music player for some noise to fill the sudden, cloying silence, and then he turns to see what can be salvaged of his dinner.







It’s snowing by the time they reach the airport.

Sehun complains about the temperature all the way from the car to the departures building and Jongin is half tempted to take off his scarf and smother his friend with it, even if that would mean exposing himself to the elements. He settles instead for shaking the snow out of his hair all over the back of Sehun’s neck as soon as they get inside.

There’s a small crowd of fans waiting for them inside the terminal. Jongin has no idea how they got a hold of their schedule, especially when they themselves have known about this trip for less than forty eight hours. A couple of girls approach them and Sehun’s face brightens considerably, the melting snow on the back of his neck forgotten. He’s always enjoyed this side of the job much more than Jongin.

Once she has Sehun’s autograph, one of the girls turns her attention to Jongin. He dips his head bashfully as he signs the magazine she holds out for him, keeps his face half buried in his scarf, and Jongin is immensely grateful when Joonmyun politely whisks the four of them off to check in.

One particularly voracious fan follows them to the security gate, trying to snap pictures of Soojung and Jinri on his phone, but once they pass through security the fans disperse and Jongin feels his heartbeat return to normal once more.

They have a little time to kill before their flight is due to leave. Jinri wanders off in search of food and Joonmyun trails after her dutifully, but not without a quick warning to the rest of them to stay where they are. He looks at Sehun as he says it. Sehun rolls his eyes and slides even further down in his seat until Joonmyun sighs and leaves.

Jongin is close to nodding off on the uncomfortable metal bench when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He digs it out and flicks through to his messages.

have a safe flight and enjoy tokyo. ill see you when you get back so ill try not to miss you too much but its gonna be tricky so keep in touch okay?

The message on its own is enough, but it’s the accompanying picture that has Jongin pushing himself upright.

Chanyeol’s in bed, the sheets pulled just low enough that Jongin can see the tanned, bare skin of his chest peeking out. He’s covered his mouth with a peace sign but Jongin can tell that he’s smiling from the crow’s feet that crinkle at the corners of his eyes. Chanyeol’s hair is a mess and there are bags under his eyes but to Jongin he looks good enough to eat and he has to quash that tide of arousal that keeps churning in the pit of his stomach with more and more frequency, lately.

“Shit, is that Chanyeol?” Sehun whistles from beside his ear. Jongin startles badly enough that he drops his phone into his lap and he scrambles to catch it before Sehun can. “Damn you weren’t lying, he is hot. Not too sure about the bed head, though.”

“Oh my god,” Jongin moans. He manages to grab his phone and lock it, the photo of Chanyeol disappearing from view. Sehun makes a disapproving sound.

“You must have taken my advice, then, if he’s sending you pictures of himself in bed,” Sehun says. Soojung glances over the top of her magazine from where she’s sitting across from them and Jongin feels his face flaming. Sehun leans his full bodyweight against Jongin’s side. “So is it just the dirty texts that you’ve been sending or did you manage to get around to the fucking we talked about, too?”

“Sehun,” Jongin hisses. The heat spreads from Jongin’s cheeks to the back of his neck and he has to resist the urge to hide his face. Instead he stares down at his lap, where his phone is resting once more, and tugs the sleeves of his jumper down so that they cover his hands. “We haven’t been sending dirty texts and I haven’t-“ Jongin pauses. “We haven’t slept together yet, either.”

“Why the hell not? He’s clearly into you.” Sehun makes a face and reaches out for one of Jongin’s hands. Jongin pulls it away. “We talked about this, didn’t we? You need to get over-“

“I wasn’t ready.” Jongin’s voice comes out a little sharper than he intends it to. Sehun moves his hand away but the weight of his body stays pressed against Jongin’s side. “We were fooling around and he wanted to take it further, but I told him I wasn’t ready,” Jongin says. “He said he was happy to wait.” Jongin’s fingers itch to pick up his phone, to talk to Chanyeol, to see him.

“I just think-“ Sehun begins.

“Drop it, Sehun.” Soojung says, suddenly, throwing her magazine down into her lap. The pair of them look up at her. “Jongin’s a big boy, he knows what he’s doing. Just let him take things at a pace he’s comfortable with, god. Not everyone needs to jump straight into bed with the person they’re seeing.” She looks over at Jongin and the scowl she’d been levelling at Sehun melts away into a smile. “I think it’s sweet, that you’re taking your time. Chanyeol clearly isn’t bothered by it, either. He sounds like he could be really good for you.”

Sehun snaps back something that Jongin doesn’t hear over the blood rushing in his ears. Soojung’s words stoke the fire of arousal that hadn’t quite gone out even when Sehun had begun teasing him and he picks up his phone. The two of them are still bickering between themselves and Jongin quickly fires off a reply.

I think I might miss you even more. Speak to you soon. Sleep well.

Joonmyun and Jinri reappear and as if on cue the announcement comes overhead for their flight to start boarding. Jongin stuffs his phone into his pocket and stands. Soojung and Sehun continue bickering all the way down the jet bridge and onto the plane and Jongin is immensely relieved when he reaches his seat and they get split up. Jongin lets Sehun take the window seat and they’re quiet as they both get themselves settled.

Jongin watches silently as the plane fills up, businessmen and women in pressed suits and sleepy tourists with huge backpacks trudging down the aisle and into their seats.

“I’m just trying to look out for you, you know that, right?” Sehun says suddenly, from beside him. Jongin turns to look at him. “I’m not trying to pressure you into doing anything, I just don’t want you to have any regrets.”

Jongin smiles and he sees Sehun’s shoulders slump visibly with relief.

“I know, don’t worry.” Jongin pats Sehun on the thigh. “It’s not your fault you only know how to look out for me in a way that makes you sound like a bit of an asshole.”

Sehun snorts but he curls his fingers around Jongin’s and gives his hand a squeeze. “Are you happy with the way things are going? Is he treating you right?”

“Yes,” Jongin says, decisively, answering both of Sehun’s questions at once. “I really like him a lot.”

“Then that’s enough for me,” Sehun says. He doesn’t speak this sincerely very often and it might be that rareness that makes Jongin appreciate it all the more. “You deserve the best and if taking it slowly is what makes you happy then that’s what you should do.”

Jongin beams and leans over to knock their shoulders together.

“Besides, I wasn’t lying before.” Sehun’s grin is wolfish. “Chanyeol really is hot. I totally would, if I swung that way.”

Jongin howls and pulls his hand away from Sehun’s grip. Sehun laughs, loud enough that the couple sat behind them hush him angrily. The grin Jongin aims at him is smug as he sinks down into his seat.

Once the plane is finally full the cabin crew come out and start to do their safety demonstration. Jongin rests his head against Sehun’s bony shoulder and, despite his best efforts, he falls asleep as the plane begins to taxi down the runway. He doesn’t wake until hours later, Sehun shaking him into consciousness.

“What?” Jongin blinks, groggy. His neck aches when he tries to sit up.

“We’re here,” Sehun mumbles. When Jongin looks up he sees how tired and red Sehun’s eyes look and he pushes himself up guiltily.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you,” Jongin starts but Sehun hushes him.

“Like it’s the first time. Come on, get up.”

Sehun and Jongin gather up their bags and join the queue of people snaking up the aisle. They meet up with Joonmyun and the girls and the rest of the staff once they’re off the plane. Joonmyun herds them all through the quiet airport, checking behind him like a mother duck every few moments to make sure he hasn’t lost anyone. If Jongin weren’t still half asleep he’d find it amusing.

There’s a van already waiting for them outside the arrivals building. The air isn’t as cold here as it had been when they left Korea and Jongin misses it already, misses the biting wind and the chill of snowflakes on his skin.

Jongin dozes again in the van, though fortunately for Sehun he ends up slumped against the window rather than on Sehun’s shoulder, this time. Despite the sleep, he feels distinctly unrested by the time they reach the hotel and he aches for a bed to lie in, to soothe the pain that’s still shooting up his back and neck from sleeping sat upright.

SooMan must have spared no expense on the hotel, to their credit, and Jongin is sure he’ll appreciate it all much more in the morning. But for now he takes the key card that Joonmyun hands to him once he’s finished checking them all in gratefully and heads up to his room.

Sehun is just next-door and he bids his friend a good night, Sehun grunting tiredly in response, and disappears into his room. An incredibly inviting king size bed takes up most of it, and Jongin eyes it wearily as he slips out of his shoes. He leaves his suitcase in the hallway and pads into the room, the carpet blissfully soft against his bare feet.

There’s a huge window stretched across the far side of the room and despite his tired body Jongin goes over to take a look. The lights of the city twinkle below but most of the skyline is taken up with the dominating, looming form of Tokyo Tower, extending bright and red into the dark night sky.

Jongin pulls his phone out to take a quick snapshot. It’s shaky and unfocused and does the beauty of the view no justice, but Jongin sends it off to Chanyeol anyway, tacks a sleepy emoji on the end for good measure.

It’s three thirty in the morning and Jongin knows Chanyeol must be fast asleep, so he sets an alarm for the following day and leaves his phone to one side. Jongin strips out of his clothes and leaves them where they fall, too tired to bother putting them away.

He collapses face fist into the bedspread and for a moment it feels like heaven, but as Jongin rolls over onto his back and sprawls out the expanse of the bed feels entirely too massive for his lone body. For the first time in a long while, Jongin falls asleep wishing for the warmth of another in the bed beside him.







Despite his promise to speak to Chanyeol as much as he can, Jongin is kept so busy with preparations for the upcoming show that he barely even finds the time to sleep.

They spend most of the first day in fittings with wardrobe. Amber pokes and prods at each of them in turn, her work becoming increasingly frantic as she tries to decide what pieces she thinks will fit in with the theme of the show best. After lunch they spend a few hours with Song Qian as she tries out different styles of make up on them. Jongin nods off in the chair more than once and startles awake when Song Qian thwacks him with her powder brush.

Time seems to slide through all of their fingers like sand and four days suddenly seems like an impossibly short space of time in which to pull this all off.

Joonmyun hovers around them at all times. He constantly rattles off reminders of how important this is, how the company is relying on them, how they need to put their best feet forward. It starts to fray on even Jongin’s temper a little, by the third day, when they’re all running on a few hours sleep a night, but it’s Jinri who snaps first.

“We get it,” she snarls at Joonmyun. Even dressed in nothing but a red balconette bra and matching lace panties, Jinri is ferocious and Joonmyun wilts like a dying flower under the force of her glare. “Do you really think we can’t grasp what a big deal this is, Joonmyun? Do you really think we need you banging on and on about it?” She stomps down from the pedestal she’d been standing on whilst Amber made some last minute adjustments and pushes past Joonmyun to grab a robe. “I need to take a break.”

Jinri strides from the room in a whirl of black silk, her hair streaming out behind her like ribbons. Joonmyun glances around at them all and then hurries after her helplessly.

They carry on like that for another two days. Rehearsals take up most of the remaining time and when Sehun had said it had been a long time since they’d done a catwalk he really hadn’t been joking. Jongin is much more accustomed to posing in front of a camera and it feels like it’s an effort just remembering how to put one foot in front of the other. But each time he gets to the end of the runway and pauses, Joonmyun shoots him a relieved smile and a thumbs up, so Jongin figures he must be doing something right.

Jongin barely sees anything of Tokyo beyond the view from his hotel room window at night. But it’s from there mostly that Jongin speaks to Chanyeol, in the stolen half hours before he sleeps. He messages Chanyeol to ask how he’s doing, is it still snowing, I miss you. At first, Chanyeol replies as normal, and his enthusiastic responses give Jongin the little energy boosts that he needs to get through the day. But the night before the show, Jongin messages Chanyeol from his too large bed and the reply doesn’t come.

Jongin tries his best to shrug it off. Chanyeol wasn’t obliged to reply to Jongin at light speed whenever he called, it’s just that over the past few months Jongin has kind of gotten used to it and now this feels a little too much like a cold shoulder for comfort.

Chalking it up to being grumpy from lack of sleep and the seven hundred mile distance between them, Jongin rolls off the bed and heads for a shower to soothe his aching body.

There’s still no reply when Jongin returns twenty minutes later. He sighs and flicks through Kakao Talk. He could chat with Baekhyun or his sisters or even his mother, who he knows always worries about him when he goes overseas for work. But as Jongin hovers his thumb over each name in turn, he feels the swooping disappointment in his stomach that it isn’t Chanyeol.

Instead Jongin leaves his phone on the side table and curls up under the sheets. The bed feels emptier than ever and sleep, when it eventually comes, is fitful.






When he’s woken by his alarm the following morning, Jongin throws an arm out blearily to silence the shrill call. It’s so early that it's still dark outside and Jongin feels like he hasn’t even slept at all as he pushes himself up in a sitting position. His sleep shirt slides down over one shoulder and Jongin is too tired to even bother readjusting it.

It takes another ten minutes before Jongin musters up the energy to move. He has both legs swung over the side of the bed, bare feet skimming the carpet, and Jongin is just about to push himself up when he sees the message notification light blinking on his phone.

Jongin’s eyes light up and he stretches over for his phone. He opens the waiting message eagerly, but it’s shorter than he’s come to expect from Chanyeol, and completely lacking in his normal enthusiasm.

sorry im at my parents place. happy christmas eve.

Jongin stares at the phone for a moment in confusion. Had he done something wrong? Had he said something to upset Chanyeol, last night, and not even realised it? Jongin scrolls quickly through their last few messages but up until now Chanyeol sounds exactly the same as usual.

Oh, that’s cool. Are you staying there for Christmas? Is everything okay? You must be tired with studying but I bet it’s nice to spend some time with your parents, right?

Jongin hesitates before pressing send and it must be the first time since those awkward initial messages he and Chanyeol had exchanged that Jongin has felt so unsure speaking to him. No reply comes but Jongin doesn’t honestly expect it. It is still heinously early, after all. Chanyeol is probably still sleeping.

Jongin drags himself up out of bed and goes to get dressed. No matter how much something about the situation with Chanyeol sits uncomfortably in his gut, Jongin would just have to push that aside for now. He can only deal with so much anxiety at a time and Jongin knows that in a few hours the thought of going out on that catwalk will have turned him into a nervous wreck.

Finding out what he’d done to upset Chanyeol would just have to wait.







The show is a success.

At least, that’s what Jongin assumes from the painfully bright grin that’s splitting Joonmyun’s face in half when he bursts into their dressing room after the show.

“That was fantastic,” he blurts out, hopping from one foot to the other in his excitement. “You were all fantastic. I’ve already been approached by representatives from two major department stores here in Tokyo who might be interested in stocking some of our line.”

“That’s great news, hyung,” Jongin says. He pauses in scrubbing his make up off when he sees Joonmyun heading towards him and Jongin can’t help but laugh when Joonmyun goes up on tiptoes and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“You were magnificent, Jongin.” Joonmyun releases him and Jongin ducks his head. “The editor of Men’s Non-no was in the audience and he sounded very interested in running an article on Meteor Shower. He even asked after you specifically.”

“Wow, that’s- that’s, um. Wow.” Joonmyun is still beaming up at him like a proud parent. Jongin’s legs feel like jelly and he sinks down onto the stool in front of the vanity before they give out on him.

“Yeah, yeah, Jongin’s marvellous, tell us something we don’t already know.” Sehun’s voice is teasing but he drops a hand to the back of Jongin’s neck as he comes over and he squeezes gently. “What about the rest of us, huh? Do we not get a kiss each, too?”

Before Sehun can move to try and escape, Joonmyun reaches out to grab his cheeks. Sehun is even taller than Jongin and Joonmyun has to pull him down into a stoop to kiss his forehead. Sehun jerks away, spluttering, but Jongin sees the pleased smile on his face.

“There you go, Sehun,” Joonmyun says as he pulls away. “I just wanted to thank you all for your hard work.” He looks at each of them in turn. “I know it’s been a bit insane and you’re all tired and I haven’t been the calmest, these last few days.” Jinri snorts and Joonmyun’s smile looks resigned. “But you’ve all done yourselves proud and you can be sure that the part you played in setting Meteor Shower up as a player on the international stage won’t be forgotten.”

Sehun sniffs and pretends to wipe a tear away from his eye. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to us, Joonmyun hyung.”

“Well, even you deserve it today, Sehunah,” Joonmyun teases. “You all have the day off tomorrow, so feel free to enjoy it however you choose. I just ask that you keep yourselves out of trouble and remember that our flight home is at ten am the next day, so please get plenty of sleep and don’t be late.”

Jongin is still sitting, stunned, when Joonmyun turns to leave, and he jumps when Sehun rests a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, congratulations dude. Men’s Non-no, that’s a pretty big deal.”

“I know, I- I still don’t think I can believe it,” Jongin lifts the cotton pad he was using earlier and wipes the rest of the make up from his face. His hands are shaking.

“Listen, we’re gonna hit the hotel bar tonight for a little celebration. You’ll come, right?” Sehun asks. He pulls his hand away from Jongin’s shoulder. “I promise it won’t get too messy and I won’t try and guilt you into staying for ages, if you don’t want to.”

Jongin thinks about the alternative, about sitting up in his huge suite by himself, waiting for a reply from Chanyeol that he’s becoming increasingly sure isn’t going to come. He nods. “Yeah, yeah sure I’ll come.”

“Brilliant.” Sehun’s beaming and that, at least, banishes the heaviness that was threatening to settle over him. For now, anyway. “I’ll go and get dressed and then I’ll track Joonmyun down and get him to call us a car.”







By the time they get back to the hotel, most of the adrenaline from the successful show has faded from Jongin system. Chanyeol still hasn’t replied and Jongin is finding it increasingly difficult not to let his brain run riot with possible reasons. He heads straight to the bar and orders himself a drink.

A bunch of the staff had come back with them and Jongin finds himself dragged into a booth that they’ve all co-opted. He ends up wedged between Soojung and Sehun and normally that would be fine, but right now the crowd of people feels a little cloying. He’d agreed to come because he didn’t want to be alone, but solitude is beginning to sound more and more tempting.

“Are you alright, Jongin?” Soojung asks him, eventually. Jongin must have been staring miserably into his drink more obviously than he’d thought.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just-“ he sighs and shakes his head. “It’s nothing, it’s fine.”

“Hey, come on, you can tell me.” Soojung’s voice is gentle and she has to lean in close to him to be heard over everyone else. Her hair tickles his arm where it falls over her shoulder.

“Chanyeol isn’t replying to any of my messages,” Jongin says and he wants to kick himself. It sounds so pathetic when he says it out loud, childish. He takes a long swig of his drink.

“It’s Christmas eve, Jongin, he’s probably just not had time to check his phone.” Soojung sounds so sure and it’s so reasonable, but still Jongin feels sick with doubt.

“I know, but it just- something feels off. I feel like he’s off with me and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong.”

Soojung takes hold of his hand and Jongin sighs. “Have you asked him?” Jongin shakes his head. “You have the whole day to yourself tomorrow, why don’t you try calling him? And even if you don’t hear anything tomorrow we go home the day after, I’m sure once you see each other properly it’ll be completely different.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Jongin downs the rest of his drink and moves to stand. “Listen I think I’m gonna go and get an early night.” Soojung lets go of his hand and shifts so he can get out of the booth.

“Try not to worry yourself sick, Jongin,” she says gently as she leans in to kiss him goodnight. Her lipstick leaves a sticky print on his cheek. “It’s probably nothing.”

“I know, I’ll try.” Jongin smiles but he knows it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Goodnight, Soojung.”

The hotel corridors are almost silent as Jongin trudges up to his room. He isn’t sure whether he’s glad for it or not, isn’t sure whether the ghostly quiet or the raucous celebrations downstairs are worse.

Either way, Jongin slips his key card into the door and his room is dark when he steps in. Jongin doesn’t bother to flick on a light. It’s been long enough that he’s able to pick his way across the room with ease, now.

Jongin throws himself down onto the bed and immediately digs his phone out of his pocket. He hates the way he’s letting this get to him, hates the way he can’t think of anything else but why Chanyeol isn’t replying to him, but it’s had Jongin’s stomach turning with anxiety all day and now that the show is out of the way, at least Jongin can concentrate on trying to figure this out.

There’s still no reply so Jongin opens up a new window and types his own message.

Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you all day and I just wanted to make sure everything was alright. You’re probably just having fun with your family and I’m worrying over nothing.

Jongin toys with his phone anxiously before he lets the message go. He sets it aside, not expecting a reply, and stands to go and shower. Just as he’s about to rise from his bed, though, his phone lights up, and Jongin almost dives on it in his eagerness.

sorry, im sorry, been super busy. im okay. how are you?

Jongin still doesn’t know what to make of that and the fact that Chanyeol hasn’t told him not to worry does nothing to settle his nerves.

I’m a little tired but I’m okay. I’m looking forward to coming home. Are you free to meet when I get back? You could come round to mine, if you’re not too busy. I miss you.

There’s a slightly longer pause after this message but his phone lights up again and Jongin breathes a tiny sigh of relief. Chanyeol might not sound like himself but Jongin would still take this strange, stilted version of Chanyeol over one who offers no response at all.

ill be there. is around 7 okay?

Jongin tries not to be too hurt that Chanyeol doesn’t return the sentiment, he really does, but his hands are still shaking when he goes to reply. Chanyeol is quicker, though, and there’s another message coming through before Jongin has even written a word.

im sorry ive gotta go, but i promise ill be there. goodnight jongin. and i miss you too.

He knows this is far from resolved and it still has his head spinning, but Jongin sleeps better that night than he has for days.







Jongin spends Christmas day alone.

He rises after the sun has already come up and it’s a nice change, after the past five or so days. As beautiful as it is, the sunrise is something that Jongin can easily learn to live without.

He’s tempted to message Sehun, but judging from the stream of messages on his phone from around three am asking where he was, Jongin is willing to bet that Sehun, when he finally rouses himself from bed, will be nursing a hangover from hell. Jongin also doesn’t want to run the risk of running into any girls Sehun might have brought back with him last night.

Instead he spends the morning in bed. The quiet is nice after the last week and Jongin takes advantage of it, climbing out of the cocoon of blankets he’d forged only for long enough to brush his teeth and grab a book before clambering back in.

He stays there until around lunchtime, when the grumbling of his stomach becomes too loud to ignore. He throws on a pair of jeans and a jumper than he’d left strewn over the top of his suitcase and heads out. He could have easily called room service and it had been tempting, but Jongin figures the fresh air will do him some good.

There’s a tiny, hole in the wall ramen place right by the hotel and Jongin heads there for lunch. In stilted Japanese he manages to order and the lady that runs the restaurant reminds him so much of the ahjummas from the mandu place near his house that Jongin feels suddenly, painfully homesick.

Not quite ready to return back to the hotel when he’s done eating, Jongin wanders the streets. There’s a tiny park not far from here, Jongin knows, has seen the little square of green from his hotel room window. It takes a little wandering but eventually he finds it. There are a few families dotted around with their children, but it’s mostly quiet, and Jongin stuffs his hands into his pockets as he walks. Nobody spares him so much as a second glance and it feels surprisingly liberating not to be recognised, not to have to hide his face.

Jongin hadn’t brought a coat out with him and eventually the cold forces him to head back to the hotel. When he gets back to his room, Jongin sees that his phone is flashing where he’d left it between the sheets of his bed and Jongin picks it up eagerly. But the message is just from Sehun, finally awake, complaining that he’s dying.

Instead of lingering on the disappointment, Jongin heads straight next door. It takes a few minutes before Sehun answers but when he does, hair standing up every which way and the expression on his face more pitiful than Jongin has seen in a long while, it lightens Jongin’s heart somewhat.

He spends the rest of the day curled up in bed with his best friend, Sehun’s thin body pressed up against his as he dozes. Jongin winds a hand into his hair and if the way he pets Sehun is more to comfort himself than it is for Sehun, neither of them bothers to mention it.







The flight home seems to take an age.

Sehun falls asleep on his shoulder, this time, and Jongin holds him close. He covers them both up with a starchy airline blanket and rests his head against Sehun’s, breathes in the clean scent of his shampoo, and pretends that he’s helping his friend to fight off the last remaining dregs of his hangover. Pretends that his heart hasn’t been racing since the moment he got out of bed this morning, that the prospect of seeing Chanyeol tonight doesn’t make him feel a little sick with nerves.

It’s still snowing when they touch down at Incheon. Jongin closes his eyes as they leave the terminal building, tips his head back, and allows the snowflakes to melt against his warm cheeks.

Joonmyun herds them all into the van that’s waiting and everyone is surprisingly quiet for the journey back. Jongin imagines they all feel as exhausted and wrung out as he does, with the added strain of a killer hangover, if the state Sehun is still in is anything to go by.

It isn’t really until they get back to Gangnam, until the van pulls up outside SooMan Corp, towering tall and imposing in the snow, that Joonmyun turns from the from passenger seat to address them all.

“I just wanted to thank you all again for all of your hard work,” he starts. Sehun is still slumped against the window and Jongin elbows him awake as surreptitiously as he can. “I know I keep saying it, but I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done. This is the beginning of a really great journey for the company and I’m so pleased to have been a part of it with you all.”

Jongin sees Jinri roll her eyes fondly but Joonmyun looks at each of them so genuinely that Jongin can’t help the smile crawls onto his face.

“Now go on, get yourselves home and get some rest,” Joonmyun says, shooing them out of the car. “All of your schedules are clear until January, but I expect to see you all at the New Years’ party, okay? No excuses.”

Joonmyun looks right at him, eyebrows raised playfully, or as close to playful as Joonmyun is ever capable of being around them. Jongin nods and lowers his head.

Jongin climbs from the van and collects his suitcase from the driver. Jinri and Soojung head off together after waving a quick goodbye, but Jongin waits for Sehun to stumble out lifelessly before he leaves.

“You are coming, right? To New Years’?” Sehun asks, once he’s collected his own suitcase. He leans on it weakly and Jongin sees the way his skin, always so pale, looks a little grey.

“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll come.” Jongin pulls his scarf out from his carry on and wraps his around his face.

Sehun nods his head in approval but the motion must make his stomach flip, because he clings onto his suitcase a little harder. “I’m gonna go home before I pass out on the street,” Sehun says, grimacing. “Later, Jongin.”

“Make sure you drink plenty of water!” Jongin calls after Sehun’s retreating back. Sehun waves him off and Jongin watches him go, the snow collecting in his hair and scarf, before he turns and heads towards the subway.

Jongin’s half frozen by the time he gets home. He shakes his coat and scarf off and they drip snow down onto the carpet. Resolving to clean up later, Jongin lugs his suitcase into the bedroom and lays it open on the floor. He spends a good hour unpacking, shuffling around at his leisure and simply enjoying being back in his own space with no commitments to drag him out.

Once he’s finished unpacking, Jongin flops down on top of his bed. The sheets are cold against his cheek but the feeling of lying in his own bed is one Jongin always underestimates how much he’s going to miss when he goes abroad. He must have been more exhausted than he’d thought, because before he knows it Jongin’s eyes are slipping shut and he falls asleep.

It isn’t until hours later that he jerks awake. It’s dark in his bedroom and Jongin pushes himself upright, blinking in confusion. His hair is sticking up every which way like a bird’s nest and Jongin reaches up to pat it sleepily when the sound of his intercom buzzing pierces through the silent apartment again and Jongin jumps almost out of his skin.

A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table tells Jongin it’s gone seven and he almost leaps from the bed, stumbling over the empty suitcase still lying on the floor and nearly breaking his neck.

Butterflies burst to life in the pit of his stomach and Jongin doesn’t even check the peephole when he gets into the hallway, just wrenches the door open.

“Chanyeol.” Jongin’s voice is breathy even to his own ears and he’d be embarrassed if it didn't feel so good to see Chanyeol again. There’s snow in his hair, and his cheeks and nose are flushed a beautiful, rosy pink that makes Jongin want to lean in and kiss him. He doesn’t.

“Hey,” Chanyeol says, cramming his hands into his pockets. He smiles down at Jongin, but they’ve been together long enough, now, that Jongin can tell immediately that that smile isn’t entirely genuine. There are no teeth, no crinkles around his eyes, and Jongin has to fight off the urge to be sick.

“Come in,” he says instead, taking a step away from the door. Chanyeol steps over the threshold, shucking his shoes in the hallway, and Jongin sees his eyes darting around curiously. This is the first time Chanyeol’s ever been in his apartment, Jongin realises with sudden clarity. This isn’t exactly how he expected it to go.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” Jongin asks. “You look like you’re freezing.”

Chanyeol shakes his head. He follows Jongin into the living room and when Jongin sits down, patting the spot on the sofa next to him, Chanyeol seems to finally look at him for the first time. There’s something in the expression on his face, something unfamiliar, and he sighs as he sits down. “How are you doing?”

“I’m- yeah, I’m okay,” Jongin says. He fidgets nervously in his seat, pulls the sleeves of his jumper down to cover his shaking hands. “Are you okay? You’ve seemed a little- I don’t know, you’ve seemed off. I mean, I know it’s been Christmas and you were probably just busy with your family and I’m worrying over nothing, but you just- you didn’t seem like yourself, when we talked.”

Chanyeol purses his lips and looks away. Silence stretches painfully between them, in a way it never has before.

“Chanyeol?” Jongin asks again, quiet as a mouse.

“I can’t do this.” Chanyeol stands suddenly from his seat and Jongin watches, stricken, as Chanyeol turns away from him. “I’m sorry, Jongin, I love you but I just- I can’t do this right now, I’m sorry.”

Jongin’s mouth falls open but before he can even move Chanyeol is halfway across the room. He already has his coat and shoes on by the time Jongin scrambles up after him.

“Wait, Chanyeol, I don’t-“

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol says again. He looks up at Jongin from the hallway and Jongin is struck by how panicked he looks, how scared. “I need to go.”

Jongin watches, dazed and helpless, as Chanyeol strides from the flat. The sound of the door slamming shut behind him echoes in the silence. Jongin’s legs are shaking and he clutches onto the back of the sofa for support.

He doesn’t get much sleep that night.

part four

Comments

[olivandassss.livejournal.com]

this was truly beautiful. it melted my cold, cinic heart, thank you!!

[chajatta.livejournal.com]

from one cold, cynical hear to another, thank you for commenting and i'm really glad you liked it! ♥

[chajatta.livejournal.com]

*HEART lol damn it!!